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Saturday 2 April 2011

First Thoughts From Australia

I don’t know what I expected when I decided to come out here but I never imagined that I would be exposing myself to such a rollercoaster of emotions. Maybe if I had thought about it I would have at least guessed at some of what was waiting for me but in truth I put the whole thing out of my mind. I wasn’t excited often though I did have a sense of apprehension for what I was about to do so maybe deep down I knew what awaited me. Don’t get me wrong I love it here and I know without a doubt it was the best thing I could have done at this point of my life but for the last four months I have been ‘resting’ to borrow a showbiz term. Since I came back from my trip to the USA last December I have stayed with my parents in a little cocoon, occasionally emerging to socialise or to move to my in-laws where I either continued my hibernation or spent my week in frenzied socialising. Either way I was sheltered from the realities of life having no bills to pay or job to dictate when and where I had to be. It was much needed and I am grateful for the amazing support that allowed me to do this. However the time for resting has past and I am back in the real world with a vengeance.

In the last week I have gone through so many emotions. I have been here one week now and I have an Australian SIM card in my phone and an Australian bank account. I have applied for my tax number and transferred funds from my UK to my Australian account. In that time I have applied for half a dozen jobs and sent my CV to another half dozen recruitment companies. I have convinced myself I am unemployable only to be offered an interview with a cleaning company a few hours later. I planned a great journey based on getting a job I thought I was suited for then once more convinced myself they weren’t interested. In the mean time I have accepted a job with at a local fair for 3 weeks which, wonder of wonders, comes with accommodation! Only this morning I was very sad to hear that my little hamster had been put down only to be offered an interview for a job I really want. I have been happy to be here and so sad that Jonathan is not here to share it with me.

Since arriving here I have read Aldous Huxley’s ‘A Brave New World’ and H. G. Well’s ‘Time Machine’. Both of these books are based upon the idea that real achievement and true happiness only come from suffering and having to struggle to achieve them. In both of their future realities the human race has become complacent and vacuous and they have struck a chord with me because life is not comfortable just now. It is not easy and I cannot become complacent or I will have to return home yet the one thing I have not felt since I got here is trapped. Throughout every emotion and up and down I have felt more alive than I have felt since I lost my Jonathan and as sad as that makes me I know he would be proud. 

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